Standing in the way of your best self? Cyrina Talbott, Hypnotherapist with The Mindset Transformation Company, knows what it's like to make things happen and juggle all the things, until the moment everything that was working before no longer works! It doesn't matter what area of our life is struggling, business, relationships, or parenting, often there is something from our past that is holding us back from being the best version of ourselves in the present. Cyrina shares how she turned to therapy and reading books for help before she experienced the power of rewiring the brain! The methods taught in therapy are over one hundred years old, and not up to date with the new information that we now have about how the brain works. Similar to when people learned that the earth revolves around the sun instead of the sun revolving around the earth. Listen to how RTT and hypnotherapy goes beyond traditional therapy! We didn't discuss how easy it is to work with Cyrina, but like most coaching, the sessions can be done virtually. It's a short process with incredible (and life-changing) results!
Connect with Cyrina to start transforming your mind!
Jaime White 00:01
Hello, and welcome to the Believe Crew Podcast; The Business IS You. I'm Jamie White, Founder of Believe Crew and your host. Let's jump right in. Today we have Cyrina Talbot with us here on the podcast. And I'm wondering, Cyrina, if you can tell everyone about what you do and who you are, and how you help people today. I know that I met you earlier this year, and you've transformed not only my life, but many of the other people that I've recommended to you. I've seen the results of what it's been like, but I'm curious what it's been like for you building a business, you know, how did you get into this? All the things that we can talk about today? So if you don't mind, starting us off with a little bit of the beginning and who you are. And how did you get here?
Cyrina Talbott 00:47
Yeah, so awesome, my name is Cyrina Talbot, I started five years ago, I started the Mindset Transformation Company. And really do what I do with other people because of my experience with the, the, it's a rapid transformational therapy, and also has transitioned into coaching. I think all of us have a moment, like we have a moment there was somebody I think it was a comedian saying, like, we can, you know, remember, the moment everything changed. And for a lot of people that is the equivalent of a mental breakdown. So for me, they're also similar. Like, that was a similar experience for me. And it was in 2012, when this business that I had been running for five years ended. And it was, it just really kind of changed everything. For me in that moment, a couple of things like I had been working really hard, and I was of the opinion, like, if you want something, you just work hard, and you'll get it. And if it's not working, you just work harder. Like this is how life works. And so, you know, rewind five years before that, and we, my husband and I, started this nonprofit, we found out there was homelessness in our small little town. And we had a couple rental properties. And we're like, Okay, well, there's homelessness, even though this isn't a really big town, it was a town of 2,000 people, and we have a home. So this makes sense. And you know, I think that's the attitude of business owners as well. Like, we'll figure it out as we go. What could happen, and there's a need, and we have this capacity to kind of fill this need. And so we started, we started a nonprofit, homeless shelter for women, we did, we had grant writing of a couple years, and we started a thrift store to support it. I spoke around the community, and we had volunteers, we had employees, like all these things, wearing all these hats, and really, you know, having an impact. But for me during that time, there was there was more going on, than just, you know what, what it looked like on the surface. And what was going on for me was that I really have my identity wrapped up in this business. Like if this goes well, I will be good. If this goes well, maybe I will finally feel like I'm good enough. Because that was a part of my past that I never ever felt good enough. And so no matter what we did, or how much money we raised, or how many women we helped, it was never enough. And so I brought that pressure on. And if we did this program, we needed a better one. And if you know, whatever we needed, did, it needed to be better. And everybody felt that. And in that also it was this, this business was going to make me feel good enough. So this business needs to be perfect. And I need to do whatever it takes to make this business run. You know, and that's, I think that different people have that, right? I think everybody can relate to that. If I just get this, everything will be better. And for some people that's maybe like, if I just look this certain way, everything will be better. If I just get in this relationship, everything will be better. If I just make this much money, everything will be better. And for me, it was this business, if it just is successful, everything will be better, but I didn't really have a definition of success. So like I said, no matter what I did, there wasn't enough and it also made me not be able to say no, like if anything needed to be done. I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna, you know, answer the phone in the middle of the night and worked all the time. And I did at the time at four little kids that I wasn't present with. Because I was just thinking about this business all the time. I'm kind of just reaching for this carrot that just kept moving, right? It just kept getting out of my, my reach. And when my youngest was two days old, there was a volunteer and play that didn't show up. So I showed up. And that was, that was how I ran, I just thought, Okay, I'm gonna keep working harder and harder and harder. And if we got a big donation, I was like, Yay, and celebrated for like, five minutes. And then it was back to work. And I wasn't appreciating what I was creating, I wasn't appreciating the people around me, I wasn't appreciating anything, because I was just had this crazy drive. And so after doing that for five years, and not resting, and not stopping, my body did what our bodies do, and it just was like, I'm dead, like, I'm out. And I had nothing left to give, like, it didn't matter how much I wanted to work harder, like, I could not, I was starting to get an ulcer, my kids hated my phone, you know, and I was just super anxious, and I was a mess. And I finally had to say, uncle, you know, I think some people maybe do it quicker, but not me. It was kind of like a, you know, like a pitfall, just like chewing on this thing. Like, I wasn't gonna let it go. And so it, it had to fall apart. And it and it really did. And I remember, you know, calling up the board members and being like, I can't keep going. And I was hoping someone would just come in and like, run the thing, but I wouldn't let anybody. Right, I'm going to take, you know, take my hands off enough to actually let people come in and help. And so there were there was a one family in home and I drove them to a different homeless shelter. We closed and then I went home and cried a lot. And it felt like I lost this, this this shred of hope. Like if I just do this, I'm gonna feel good about myself. And then it it kind of felt like, you know, if my world and my life was like a term paper or test or something, it just felt like official now like a big F. Like I am a failure. This thing I had been like running from and trying to solve or whatever. Felt official, like I'm a failure. This didn't work. I'm, it's true. You know, I thought I wasn't worth anything. And I really not. And really, in that place, was finally ready, like I said to say uncle and finally ready to like, be open to a different way of operating. Like, okay, my way hasn't worked very well. Maybe, maybe there's a different way of doing things. And also I was open to help. And I remember, I went to therapy because I'm like, Okay, well, I don't know how to do things. And I need, I'm broken, I need to be fixed. You know. So let's get her done. Let's go. And I, the first time I went to a therapist, her name was Kathy and I literally went in and had this conversation. I said, I'm really frustrated. I'm really angry. I really hate a couple of people. And I have no peace. Do you have a pill for that? Like, can you like, hook me up. And for homework, like, I'm really good, give me homework. Like, let's get this taken care of. And also I understand like people say, if you want to have peace, you have to like look at your past. And I can we like not do that. Can we just start from here forward? Like let's, let's just, I think I've got that pretty buttoned up. Let's not look at that. And she laughed at me, this is true. Like, this is how that day went, she laughed at me. And I was like, I just had this understanding like, okay, if I'm gonna have peace, I'm gonna have to look at my past. And so as you know, as I was talking about, like being so driven, like it was never good enough, like, that was in me. It was this constant feeling coming up in me of like, not feeling good enough. And we were also dealing with women who had trauma, right? And so that would come up and I would just shove it all down. And I really thought like that's in the past. Like, I don't have time for that. I don't want to look at that. But in this moment, you know, with Kathy going, Okay, well, I guess I need to look at that in order to move forward, and that was really a huge, you know, awareness and a huge moment, and something I really didn't want to do. But I thought Okay, like, I have no choice, I'm willing to do that. And so I began with Kathy and other therapists and books and programs, because I very much am like, Okay, if we're gonna do something, let's just get it done. And what happened over the next few years was I got this, like, understanding of my timeline, like my history that would make me so driven, that I was willing to, like, kill my body, and my relationships and my health to get this, you know, identity from this business. And, and a big part of that was that my dad was abusive to me. He was an alcoholic. One of my first memories was him, throwing my mom down the stairs, and, and so I began to talk about that stuff, which I didn't think was important. And by me, oh, that is important. And, and him abusing me, you know, causing me to feel like, you know, I'm worthless, because when things happen to kids, kids don't go, oh, Dad's messed up, or Oh, Mom and Dad are having problems, they go, I'm bad. And then, you know, my mom was amazing. And she left him when I was six. And then we just grew up really poor, and got made fun of and didn't always have to get to daily bread and didn't always have clothes that fit or hot water and things like that. And also, that feeling like I'm not enough, like, I'm not as good as everybody else. And then finally, you know, and other things happen, too. But this timeline began to be apparent, and then you know, and then the business closing. And I understood why I behave the way I did. And I was like, that's awesome. But I actually want to change. Like, it's great to understand why I may have been this way, but I actually just want to be different. And I'm so grateful. In that process. I'm a learner, and just absorb information. And you know, was reading books and listening to podcasts and listening to anything like YouTube videos, anything I could find. And I bumped into the idea of neuroplasticity, that our brains can change, new science, right? It's new in the grand scheme of things in the grand scheme of psychology and physiology and stuff. And that was amazing to me, like our brains can change and around the same time, in learning about that, learning how they do, and coming across rapid transformational therapy, and hypnotherapy as a way that facilitates our actual neural pathways to change quickly and effectively. And so this idea that there was a possibility that not only, you know, could I have an understanding of why I behaved a certain way, but that I could actually change it was really powerful. And so I got introduced to a friend of a friend who actually did rapid transformational therapy, and had a profound experience, you know, like you had mentioned, Jamie, you know, you've had with this technique and method of being able to so what happens, the reason why the past messes with us, is because it's like, it gets stuck, you know, on our timeline, like I say, like, there's a hook in it. So even though, you know, my dad had done that, you know, 20 years ago, or, you know, 30 years ago, it didn't matter, like time doesn't matter in your brain. That feeling that I'm not good enough, stayed, it stayed on the timeline, and then growing up the way I grew up, and, you know, those different experiences and then failing at this business, like, it didn't matter if it was five years old, 10 years old, or 20 years old, those feelings, and those neural pathways were still there, they were still firing every day. And with being able to change them in hypnosis, they stopped, right, they actually stopped. And it wasn't instant, but over the next, you know, four weeks, I, the way I was thinking change, and I didn't even know you know, now I would diagnose it as like high functioning, anxiety, like when you beat yourself up in your head all day long. Like that's how I operated and I didn't even know until I stopped. Like through that process with, you know, working with the woman. Her name is Christie who helped me with rapid transformational therapy and you get a recording to listen to that helps change how you're thinking. And it was about three weeks in and I had this moment where I was like, appreciating myself and loving myself. And I remember just crying because like that had never, ever ever been something that I did. I hated myself for many, many, many years. And people around me notice like, within two weeks, people around me noticed and that heaviness and that fear just wasn't there. And I was like, this is huge. This is something like something happened here. And I'm, you know, very much I love the science of everything, too. And understanding neuroplasticity, and you know what's going on. And when you're in hypnosis, which is rapid transformational therapy operates, and now you're in alpha brainwave state, and you can, you know, change how you're thinking, and I was like, Oh, my God, this is amazing. And so I was also at a place in my life where my kids were older, and I had no time. And so I went and got certified in this method. And then that's what I do with people now. And I see it, you know, it's not a cure all. And it's not, you know, perfect for everyone. But when it when someone's in that same space, it's like, I need things to change. And they have an awareness of like, why they've been doing stuff, but they actually want to be different. And it is, you know, it lines up, it's just incredible. It's incredible how we can change how our brains are operating and take away these things that get stuck, you know, and they're 10 years old, or they're five years old, or they're 30 years old, and actually release them and actually help you think the way that you want to and behave the way you want to moving forward. So that's what I get to do with people today. And I love it.
Jaime White 16:52
That is amazing Cyrina. And what is coming up for me is I was recently at an event where there was a therapist where her practice is booked out. And there were perfectionist in the room, kind of like you said, that high performing anxiety based perfectionist business owner, and the room was packed. I mean, it was a small room, but it was packed standing room only. And what she was suggesting was that there were these there are these beliefs from the past that are holding you back. But then at the end, there wasn't really a solution given. And so people were like curious or like, so how do I fix this? Do I just need to book time with you? And she was like, Oh, well, I'm booked up. She's like an actually, I don't even enjoy taking on clients. And so kind of speaking to what you were talking about before where you had done a lot of therapy, you had read a lot of books. But then I mean, even if there's this awareness that we there's something wrong, how many things out there are actually saying, and I can help you get past that I can help you rewire that, because what I felt in that room, and I know because I've experienced it, I've experienced, you know, my brain being rewired. And like you said, it's not so much that you notice for myself, it's not so much that I notice that something new is in my life, it's more that there's something that isn't there. But it's it's so subtle, you know, I just I don't react the way I used to react, I can respond. And it's just wanting to get that message out there for people to realize that not only is your brain reacting from this, but also it can be rewired, like that is possible. We can change our DNA, we can change our thought process we can change and so that sorry, that's what was coming up when?
Cyrina Talbott 18:48
No, it's huge. And I think it's I think it's a matter of old science and new science. So I really think of it in my brain like 300 years ago. And I I think that's about accurate. Like if you broke your leg, you just would have to live, like they didn't have it casts and ability to set it. I know they've been setting bones for for a long time. But it wasn't like universal, where now if you've a room of 100 people and you say who broke a bone when they were little, you know, half at least would raise their hand and they broke a bone and then it healed and it was no big deal. Because science and X rays made that possible. Right and before x rays that wasn't as possible. And so what's happened with our brains is it's only been like 25 to 30 years that we had the ability to look at what's going on inside inside our brains. Right so science for our brains is a lot slower to catch up than science for our physical, you know arms and legs and toes and stuff. And psychology and therapy. I love I have a lot of friends you know that that do that and operate it is a necessary place but it is also 100 years old, and it hasn't as much caught up to new scientific instruments that could study how our brains work, right? And so in some ways, it is like, you know, well, you you got an injury, and now you have to live. Right? And so it can be similar to that in talking about in a traditional therapy setting. If the person doesn't have this knowledge of how to change things, it's saying, Well, okay, well, here's how you got the limp. And here's what the limp looks like, and here's how it affects your life. And here's how you, you know, you're maybe not able to operate as, as easily as a normal person, that's all great. But don't we just really want to fix the limp. And so that's, you know, that's the difference. And it's really exciting to me, because rapid transformational therapy is one way of doing that, and people are finding lots of ways to do that. I think some are more, you know, controversial than others, but psychedelics, you know, something that puts you also in that alpha brainwave state meditation can do it, people are doing breath, work, you know, all of these different things. And it's just really exciting. And that's the thing that I'm really excited to share with people is that it can change and don't quit, don't just think you have to walk with a limp the rest of your life, like things can change. And yeah, to be in a position, the other the other old science is that you would just have to repeat something day after day for years and years, you know, in order to change a belief. And when you work with your conscious, that is like it just has to take forever of repeating, and training. But for traumas, like bigger traumas that that didn't work so well. So that was viewed as something where you're just gonna have to live, you know, the rest of your life. But now we know that we can even, you know, bigger traumas can change. So, yeah, it's exciting.
Jaime White 22:00
Do you ever run into opposition? Or? I'm not sure exactly what the word would be, besides that, from different communities, like the Christian community, because I know, for myself, Kevin even had the belief, you know, change is too hard. And I'm like, what, but Jesus teaches that transformation is possible. Like what? Yeah, so if the two merged together, this idea of, of being able to change our thought process, but yet something it's like, it's scary.
Cyrina Talbott 22:34
It is. And I think traditionally, like faith communities have had a resistance to change that I think has maybe been, you know, helpful to kind of maintain. So I did, I thought about this a lot, because I also, you know, came from Christian belief and background, and when I first jumped into it, so I first jumped into hypnotherapy, or hypnosis, in high school, there was a hypnotist for the high school graduation party, and I would I sat in the back of the room, and I would not make eye contact. I was like, I'm not like gonna, and that scared me.
Jaime White 23:08
So I was like, like, completely unexpected. Yeah.
Cyrina Talbott 23:12
And when you have trauma, you're like, I'm not letting anybody control me or do anything to me. Like, I was always like, hyper vigilant and like, aware of who was in the room and like, keeping myself safe, right? Because, and, to me, that was like, not cool. And so it was this. And so it's a different understanding of like, what hypnosis is, and for me, the alpha brainwave state really helps you you have your conscious and your subconscious, conscious as beta. subconscious is alpha. We operate in beta, you know, most of the time, but our beliefs are an alpha. And so it was understanding that that to me, it was like, okay, cool. I can get my mind around that, like God made different brainwave states like this makes sense to me. And kids live in the Alpha growing up, they call it the hypnogogic. State until age 10. And so they're being programmed, it's where you're more suggestible. It's where like, I learned as a little girl, I'm bad. And I didn't argue with it, because we move into the beta and the conscious between 10 and 12. Right, where then we can reflect and go, Hey, you know, my dad was not kind, but the beliefs are set. So I worked to filter all of this through like, okay, is this God? Is this good? Is this you know, is this okay? Until I got to a place of peace because I reconciled it, you know, with science. But as a whole, it's so I hope I hope this makes sense. And I don't go you know, off on a tangent, but like, anesthesiology came into practice, I think in the late 1800s. It was a dentist, and he's like, I found this thing, right? It's from a plant that God made that will help numb the pain when People have have dental work done, which, you know, I can't imagine, you know, the pain that people were in during dental work before then. And he's like, I found this. And it's a way to help people not experience pain during surgery. And the church was a place that they got opposition, because it was this idea. Well, God, and God wanted us to be in pain, and it's natural, and you're messing with the natural process. Right. And so there was opposition there, because it was new and different. And the potential for maybe not being in control of your thoughts. Now, you'd be hard pressed to find any Christian that won't have anesthesia, it's not a big deal. And to me, it's a similar process. It was also, again, I hope I'm not off on a tangent, but the guy who, in fact, Copernicus, found out the Earth revolves around the Sun. So here's a guy studying God's universe, finds out how God works, right? The Earth revolves around the sun, but he can't tell the church because the church believed everything in the universe revolved around us and the earth. And that was how God made it. So here's a guy just going about his business, finding this awesome, you know, discovery about how God made the universe, and couldn't share it, because the church was gonna kill him. That's extreme. But I feel that way a lot with new information, like meditation, you know, there's just a ton of science saying it's really good. And David, like, I meditate on your word all day long. But if you're gonna get a group of Christians to meditate, they're going to be scared, right? And so to me, it's the same. And I do not. I am not on a mission to get Christians to do hypnotherapy, I find, I bump into the people who are open, and I will help them understand like, Yeah, it's fine. There's an article in Christianity today talking about hypnotherapy and how it's good. And, you know, so I share that with people like, like, okay, the powers that be have sanctioned this, it's okay. But really, it's a level of comfortability, because I also have people that aren't Christian. And it's nothing to do with Christianity. And they're like, hell no, like, I'm not doing that. So this is a, you know, I use the word weird, like, it's a different thing. And I'm very aware of that. And like, if it's not, up, you know, your alley, like, that's totally fine. And so I've never, I've never really in a position to convince people other than just explaining, like the science behind it. And, you know, my belief and my experience with it. So I definitely think there are different communities for sure, you know, different sections of the business community who are like, you know, won't touch somebody like me with a 10 foot pole. And that's okay.
Jaime White 27:48
That's funny, too, because I was actually just thinking about how so many business owners are the people that I'm like, Hey, if you want to get help from some of this stuff, because some of the issues in your business are not actually business issues, is something from childhood, we gotta go back a little bit, and clear out that subconscious level, you know, so that you can move forward and the beliefs like you said, when you were running your nonprofit, where it was, like, I just need to work harder versus like, Why do I want to keep that belief what, you know, or I'm not good enough? Well, why do I want to keep that belief? You know, there's different things about it. And I remember, even after my appointment with you, and my husband just being like, wow, you have so much courage, you know, and I was like, wow, I didn't realize that I was, but there's something about the Word, because it's connected, like you said to that person that I saw when I was in high school that made everybody do things that, you know, we wouldn't normally do. But what other words would you use for it, right? Like you said, these different brain waves, you know, being able to access them, even if we use different words, it's still not going to make people more comfortable, because it's new, it's new information that we didn't have access to before. And it's not like we can take old words, and make them make more sense. There's just
Cyrina Talbott 28:59
well, and I and I think that, you know, I think there's a level of integrity of like, if you know, you're going to come into this session with me, and it's going to be different, and it's going to be deep, and we're going to be looking at your childhood. And we're gonna be looking at it in a way that's not reliving anything or whatever. But understanding like, Okay, what's stuck, like, what's the thing I'm, that isn't actually in my childhood, that's knocking on the door every single day. I mean, that's how it was operating in that business that I ran for five years. Like, I'm like, oh, that's in the past? Well, no, it was every day. Every time I interacted with a very strong personality. I was, I was triggered, you know, I was like, emotionally reactive. You know, like you said, we react you would get I would get angry, and really not know why. Right? That's how it's affecting our businesses. It's making us not be able to make the wise decisions and have the responses that we want. So it's not really in the past, you know, so it's good.
Jaime White 29:53
That's a good point again.
Cyrina Talbott 29:54
Yeah. Yeah, but if you but if I was to be like, Oh, we're just gonna have this little session and then And you'd be like, what? Just happened? Right? So there is this idea. And I do think it takes courage I've had, you know, I think it takes courage and, and whatever it is that you do, and this can be there are traditional therapy where you're looking at your past and there's, you know, different, you know, exercises and things. If healing does take courage. Yeah.
Jaime White 30:26
I love that. Because even for myself, when I'll run into new belief issues, you know, like at different levels of business or at different stages, or depending on we're working on. And even though I know this stuff, sometimes I'm like, I don't want to work on this. And they're like, why do you want to keep that, you know, now that our friends, our conversations have changed, you know, I can't even complain about something. Because they're like, why is it serving me? Why do you want to keep?
Cyrina Talbott 30:51
It's so funny, because I do it all the time with people too. And might also also, I think there was there's a, there's, there's a mis conception, that I'm going to do all this work, I'm going to do it really hard. I'm going to do it really fast. I don't know if you had this, Jamie, and then I'll be done.
Jaime White 31:06
Oh, yeah, I'd love for that option.
Cyrina Talbott 31:09
But we're humans, which is super annoying. And like, it's not, you know, it's not going to be done. But the deep work, like the initial deep work for me is done. Like I'm not rehashing that I'm not doing that over and over. But we grow, we have bigger capacity to work with other people to handle more abundance and, you know, bigger responsibility, right. And so we're always growing. And, but my first reaction, whenever I bump into a belief is I'm always pissed. And I do this all the time. And I'm like, there's another thing. And it's really interesting I've been there's a, there's a spiral of healing, right. And it shows, like, if you imagine a cone, when we're, when we're stuck in something, when we first start healing, we're just spinning around and around and around. And we're, we're bumping into this belief constantly, and it's messing with our lives, and it's hurting us. And then as we grow the spiral, the diameter of the spiral grows apart. So now you'll bump into somebody, and maybe it's once every three months, and then maybe it's once a year, and then maybe it's just once every time you're doing something really big in your career really big in your business. And it's it's the same thing. Like for me, it's always that, you know, I don't belong, or I'm not good enough, right. And for different people, it might be an addiction, or it might be different things, whatever your tendency, but you grow so much that the amount of time you bump into it, excuse me is less and less. But to know that that's just going to be part of the part of life is helpful, because I've always just wanted some kind of magical formula to make me perfect. Like, if there was I would do it. And I'd let you know.
Jaime White 32:52
That'd be great. I'd definitely be there too. But going back to what you said something about the the nonprofit that you were in, and like the meaning that you were giving it not working, was really connecting for me because there was a moment and I had been, you know, working harder, like trying to figure it out. So when I was 18, I was asked if I would run, they were going to my family was going to open another business. My dad is a serial entrepreneur. And so they needed a person to run this new business that they were going to open and they had no experience in this industry. So it really didn't matter who it was. It could be anyone. And so I was 18. And they asked if I wanted to run a furniture store. And I thought No. And I said yes. But I was just interested in any business, it really didn't matter which one. So here I am, you know, and the beginning was really, really good. But there were a lot of things that were not set up, right. And so that didn't last it, you know, and so then the gut ache started happening. And I kept trying to figure out what was I doing wrong? Read all the marketing books in the basement of the library. This was you know, over 20 years ago, yes, I did not have the internet like we do today. And, you know, trying to figure it all out. And I just spent so much time trying to figure out and beating myself up for everything that I was doing wrong, instead of acknowledging what I was doing, right. Like, technically, I had over a six figure business within a very short period of time. And today, I look back and I'm like, what it was like doing so many things, right. But I just kept beating myself up because I wasn't as good as my parents were in business or I wasn't as good as other people in business or it didn't, you know, it didn't feel like that I wasn't celebrating the wins. And when I think about the work that you and I did together, it was like it wasn't safe to shine, right? So it didn't even matter how good I was doing. If it's not safe to shine, I can't even reflect on you know, how is this inspiring other people? How is this, you know, encouraging other people. And so it got to the point that actually I was then moved into other businesses and this became just one of the side businesses and so I did not focus on it. And then my dad was going to be going out of the country and he said I might not be back, you know, just kind of flippantly like, hopefully I like it so much over there, I might not be back. And my immediate thought was, what happens? What would happen if he died? Like, what would I do? And I was like, I would shut furniture studio down. Like, that moment I had not ever acknowledged, prior to him prior to the thought of, you know, maybe he wouldn't come back. And I was like, Whoa, what's the reason I wouldn't do that today, if that's what I would do if he wasn't here. And I realized that I didn't want to be seen as a failure in business. So it didn't matter. If the business was failing in different ways. It didn't matter. You know, it was both sides. It was like one, I couldn't celebrate the wins. And on the flip side, if someone else wasn't around, and I was willing to acknowledge the truth, and then just kind of, and this was at a point where I had worked through a lot of stuff. Obviously, this was when I was, you know, on that healing journey where I had started to be, you know, willing to acknowledge reality. But so much of those feelings, and the things that I wasn't even aware of were running the business, like, oh, I just wanna go back and do it over. No.
Cyrina Talbott 36:09
yeah, So much. I mean, there's so many things like there's a there's this book, The Five Regrets of the Dying, and the number one regret of the dying is I wish I didn't care so much what other people thought. And so that's the thing when we're talking about beliefs, and they're set before age 10, what are we doing? We're completely dependent on other people's opinions of us, right? Whether it is a teacher or a coach, or especially our parents. And so healing is, is releasing ourselves from that. I mean, that was for me to like, when I would sit and get quiet and pray, it would be like, it's all good. Let go. And I was like, I'm never letting go. Just so you know, like, that's not an option, because that was that was so when we're talking about the ability to make a wise decision and react and respond instead of reactive. This is it. This is what it looks like. Like, everything in me knows the wise decision right now knows what I should do, knows what God's leading me or my intuition is leading me to do that I can't do it, because of this past belief of what do they think are on bad or they're all gonna hate me or whatever it is. This is what we're untangling, right? This is the work that needs to be done. And it's so interesting that you said that, because in my brain, you know, that the organization was called Naomi house, and it was like, always needed to be bigger, better. And like when it failed, I just pictured the whole community disappointed in me, right. And there was a pastor that, so we closed July 2012. And I think they had donated in February or March, like $1,000, a local church. And I went, when we were closing, I went to everyone who had donated, I'm like, Hey, we're closing, we can give you back your money. And they're like, No, that's totally fine. It's been a few months if you needed to close up. And he didn't. And so years later, I went back to this man. And I bumped into him. And I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I'm so sorry that it didn't work. And you had you put your you had given us money and put your trust in us. And I failed. And he looked at me and he said you didn't fail. You opened a homeless shelter in our town. And how's a really healing moment for me to be like, oh, yeah, like you. For you. Jamie ran this furniture store like but we can't see that right? Healing is being able to see like, who you really are looking at ourselves the way other people see us. In this people see that we're like amazing or wonderful or doing a good job, but we can't see it. Right.
Jaime White 38:43
I ran a furniture store without having any experience on furniture, sales, retail design, nothing nada. I was hiring people at 18 and, and then eventually created this Twilight tour in my mom's name where it was a Parade of Homes For older homes. Like it didn't have to be a new home. You know, like the Parade of Homes today is all about the builder and the new homes and the new stuff. It was like there's so many people putting money into these older homes and so created this Twilight tour and women loved it. And they like I had so many women mad at me the first year because they were like, I didn't know it was going to be this good. And so I didn't invite my friends. They were mad at me for but the word that came up after I started doing some of this work was inspiring. And I remember this is actually Mark Gunger, created or was part of this flag page personality assessment.
Cyrina Talbott 39:40
I did it Yeah.
Jaime White 39:42
No way. That's awesome. Yeah. And he has a book with like, all the words like what are the top five words on your flagged page? You know, like if what's important to you? And I remember I was just kind of doing some deep searching on like, who am I and starting to understand about core values. And so I was grabbing this book and I was looking at it each word and I was like, which one? Do I want to pick, you know, to be on my flag. And I remember hitting the word inspiring, and feeling like, I couldn't put it on my page. And I was and then I went back. And I was like, why not? What is what is coming up for me here? And my thought was, my thought was that it would be like, too much pride or ego, right? If I was someone that was inspiring, or if I thought of myself as someone that was inspiring. And I didn't realize that this is, you know, a gift for people. Like there are some people that you know, and even as leaders like were meant to inspire. And then there was this awareness of people that I was inspired by, were actually humble people. And so I recognize something was in conflict. Like, how come I'm inspired by people that are humble, but if I was to be inspiring, I would not be humble. Again, going back to the stuff that we worked on together, where it's like, it's not safe to shine, okay, similar words, right? Like what's coming up here why
Cyrina Talbott 41:10
it's so powerful because there's, there's a bunch of stuff like our human psychology, we have like a negativity bias that's kept you hear about this, if you're in this world, you hear this all the time, like, cavemen kept safe because they were looking for a saber toothed Tiger, not because they were enjoying the sunset in the scenery, right, that would have been done. So we have this, like there's a human our subconscious is, is meant to keep us safe. By looking for danger, right? That's super smart. Like if something's on fire, your mind is going to focus on that instead of a beautiful sunset. It's, that's helpful, right? So you understand that. But then also, the thing that happens when we're little is you shine, you get yelled at you, you show up and maybe tell the truth, you get in trouble. And so we're learning this way of operating, that is not really true, or really helpful. But when we were little, it was super helpful to stay quiet was super helpful to hide, if you're in any kind of a dangerous situation, when you're little, or even in school, right, you're too tall, you're too smart, you're going to be made fun of or it's like we learn survival techniques to fit in when we're little whether it's to a dysfunctional family, or school or whatever. And most of it is stay small stop shining hide, and we started a business, the whole point of the business is show up and shine and tell people what you're doing in the world. And most of us haven't had that conditioning. So we instantly find the conflict. And that's the work that needs to be done. And that's the truth. The other piece is we think, if I beat myself up, that's going to motivate me to success. Right? But that's, that doesn't work ever at all. You know, there's a lot of new neuroscience that encouraging ourselves, seeing ourselves for who we really are appreciating ourselves, obviously, and other people too. It's not pride, you know, it's actually more prideful to be so in your head and self centered, quote, unquote, that you can't do anything, because you're terrified of what everybody's going to think that keeps you stuck inside, then to show up and shine, and serve people, right? So we have to also untangle all that stuff. That is so powerful. And it's the difference it explains and defines the difference between how I feel today, in my daily life, versus how I felt eight years ago, when I was just on this rat race. And I didn't understand why I couldn't get off the hamster wheel and why, you know, it continued to experience similar things in my life, I was so frustrated, I was blaming others, like all the words and the the level of vibration of my body was not in a good place. And then to be like, in this place of peace and connection, and coming from love and being able to say the truth and love and being able to step out, you know, like we're fearfully and wonderfully made and be bold. And like, that is the opposite of where I was coming from my belief systems. It's just it feels so much better. I'm like, I'm not going back. If I click back, it's a powerful and I think it's a really important thing to wrestle with this idea of like, what's pride? What's ego and especially in Christian communities, like what's my flesh and what's God and what does God want me to do? And like, over and over and over, if you're any kind of believer, it's like, God loves me and wants me to shine and I'm more than a conqueror and I have the mind of Christ and God and God's instrument or you know, armed vessel to do these wonderful things. And then we have to, like we have to reconcile that to like, how will I operate if I am doing everything and being everything that God is calling me to be Guess what? You're gonna shine
Jaime White 44:59
I love have that and that makes me think of a conference that I was just at where women were being encouraged to follow where God was calling them. And it was like we were able to have conversations of like, but is that you being fearful? Like, is he actually calling you to do this now? And they're like, Oh, you're right. You know, like, it's so much more fun to be in a room where people are energized about what they could create, and what he's asking us to create. And so I am inspired to be around, you know, as many people as possible that are willing to do this work, because the conversations shift, there's no longer this venting about, you know, the relationships that aren't going well. I mean, like I said, I try occasionally in my friend group is like, do you want to, you know, do you want to take care of that? So I love the new conversations that happen, when we start to even, you know, shift our brain shift our thinking, Yeah, is there anything else that you want to leave listeners with and express?
Cyrina Talbott 46:01
Like, think I hope this conversation is has helped people have hope, because I know for me in that space between finding out everything that was wrong with me, and like, why I was limping, and like, kind of there was enough, it was about a year six months of like, Oh, my God, maybe I just have to live the rest of my life this way. Maybe this is just my sentence, like people who grew up like me, you know, there's a, there's a test, it's called the ACE test to kind of rate your traumas, and mine's high. And according to that, I should have all of these issues, and I should be an addict, and probably in prison, and probably dead and all this kind of stuff. And that's the truth about the things I experienced when I was little. And the, the hope of my conversation is to give you hope, that that doesn't matter. That doesn't have to define you, you don't have to keep, you know, limping quote, unquote, the rest of your life, your brain can change. The way you operate can change. You know, there's, there's what I do, but there's also a, you know, I believe we are, we are put in the path of people with the tools and the expertise to help us on that. So that's my main thing is like, Don't give up hope. No matter what things have been happening to you, or how hard you have been working, you know, so far to change them, because you maybe just haven't been working at the root of the issue, which is in your subconscious. And we can always change. So that's my main.
Jaime White 47:30
I love that hope and courage. It takes courage to work with hypno and provide so. So when you think about the work that you're continuing to do in this next year, and just even in future years, is it clear what your calling is? And where you're, you know, being asked to kind of step out into areas or spaces where you're feeling challenged?
Cyrina Talbott 47:57
Yeah. One thing that was a goal on 2022, is to speak more. So I've been speaking more, right. And there's always, there's, it's so interesting, you talk about fear, because I think when we're following God, and we're following your intuition, we're following your calling, we can be slammed right into fear, right? And fear doesn't mean stop, or there's something wrong, or I'm doing anything wrong. It's this, this opportunity, that means I'm growing, the means that I've maybe come to the edge of like, what I know, and I'm moving into the unknown. So speaking was that for me this year, and interesting, we, for me, always being asked to slow down is scary. Because I do I prefer to just rather, you give me this long to do list than slow down. And so that's something that I'm being asked to do. And leaning into, it doesn't mean not be productive. And it doesn't mean I don't accomplish things or accomplish goals or, or put those take those off the table. They're still there. But how can I do it in this slower way, and I think more natural way, like I've been paying attention to how nature operates more like it's like, it just operates different than this linear like step 1234. Like nature can be slow and then just explode and getting in tune with that. So that might not make sense.
Jaime White 49:29
Oh, my goodness, I have so many things that come up with that. It's just amazing. Yeah. And, and for me, this whole year has been about slowing down and it has challenged so many belief systems like I wanted to do the hard work as fast as possible. Slow down for me was like how do you work through as many issues is as you can in a short period of time and definitely love what you're pointing out about nature because there are so many examples of things where when Like it doesn't, it might not seem like something is happening, and then all of a sudden there's growth.
Cyrina Talbott 50:06
Yeah, so that's, that's kind of what I'm being. That's kind of, you know where I am. And in that, you know, obviously, like business goals are, reach more people, you know, have more abundance of more, you know, traveling freedom and stuff like that, but doing it in this different way. And I'm not sure what exactly that looks like.
Jaime White 50:27
Yeah. And that's, and that's the other cool thing is recognizing that as business owners, if we feel like we have to know what that looks like, then we're limiting the possibilities, right? Instead of saying, How am I gonna do that? It's like, well, who's gonna help me do that? I don't know how
Cyrina Talbott 50:41
but so fascinating. Yeah, when you're talking about meaning, right, our brains are like meaning making, and we have a lot of, we have a lot of patterns and meaning and understanding of work is hard. Work is all the time work trumps everything in your life. And so I think a lot of people right now are being invited to a new meaning of work, and fulfillment and abundance, like not slow it down and lower your standards and expectations and be poor, but like, how do we, what does this look like this new meaning and this new way of operating? Like, I'm pretty for me on you know, my personality is always like global. So I'm always like, seeing things like global, maybe to a fault sometimes. But that's kind of what I see is like, figuring out a new way of operating.
Jaime White 51:30
I'm so excited about everything that we've discussed, to be able to just kind of open up, you know, the minds of anyone that is not aware of this happening or this option. And I love the idea of global.
Cyrina Talbott 51:43
And I guess, you know, as people are listening a lot of it, they're like, yeah, totally, I've been feeling that, but not maybe known what to do with it or having a conversation about it. Yeah.
Jaime White 51:53
Right now, there's a huge shift happening in levels of awareness. And there's just a shift in thinking that happens. A shift in awareness, a shift in, you know, what we're attracted to, without anybody needing to you know, put a bunch of billboards out there. I'm excited about the shift that's happening and what I want to be a part of it. Yeah. So thank you so much.
Cyrina Talbott 52:15
Thank you for having me and you know, inviting this conversation. I love it so much.