Where There Was Once Shame, There Is Now Laughter
- Jaime White
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
The other day I caught myself laughing. Not just smiling. Laughing.
At something that seven years ago would have turned into an argument.
I stopped for a second. I looked at Kevin. And I thought…We’ve changed.
Not because life got easier. Because we did.
I don’t know that I could have imagined this version of us. Kevin and I joke that we divorced the first version of our marriage. Not each other. The first version of us. The people who were trying really hard.
Trying to be good spouses.
Good parents.
Good business owners.
Good Christians.
Good people.
Trying to get it right.
There wasn’t much room left for delight.
I think one of the greatest gifts we’ve given our children isn’t travel. Or homeschooling. Or entrepreneurship.
It’s that our home sounds different.
There is more laughter. There is teasing. There is silliness. There is more grace when someone makes a mistake.
I don’t think kids remember perfect.
I think they remember atmosphere.
One of the tools that helped us make sense of what was happening is the Gene Keys.
It talks about Core Wounds. I don’t love calling them wounds. I think of them as old stories. Stories we’ve practiced so many times they begin to sound like truth.
Here’s the simplest version.
Old Story | New Story |
Repression | Honesty |
Denial | Ease |
Shame | Humour |
Rejection | Gentleness |
Guilt | Forgiveness |
Separation | Care |
When I first saw this, I remember thinking… “Huh.”
Not because I immediately understood it. Because I started seeing these stories everywhere.
In myself.
In Kevin.
In conversations.
In businesses.
In families.
Kevin’s story is Shame. Mine is Denial.
Looking back…The shame cycle in our marriage was brutal.
Everything felt heavy.
Everything felt important.
Everything felt personal.
Today…Kevin laughs. A lot.
He laughs at himself.
He laughs with the boys.
He laughs when things don’t go according to plan.
Sometimes I catch myself just watching him.
It’s beautiful. Because I know what came before. Where there was once shame…There is now laughter.
Mine is Denial. Not denial like pretending something isn’t happening.
Denial of my gifts.
Denial of reality.
Denial that life could actually be easier.
Kevin would see things in me years before I could see them. He’d tell me. I’d explain why he was wrong.
Turns out…He wasn’t.
Today the word I keep coming back to is ease.
Not because life is easy.
Because I’m no longer fighting myself.
There’s a difference.
I wonder sometimes what families really inherit.
We spend so much time talking about wealth.
Ownership.
Trusts.
Businesses.
What if children inherit our emotional patterns first?
Do they inherit shame?
Or laughter?
Do they inherit guilt?
Or forgiveness?
Do they inherit separation?
Or care?
Maybe that’s the real family enterprise.
Maybe that’s the first business we’re all building.
If someone asked me today what has changed the most over the last seven years… I’d still say laughter. Real laughter. The kind that shows up where shame used to live.
And if you’ve ever heard it…You know it’s worth every bit of the journey.
With love and belief,
Jaime & Kevin
